What is Haunting You?

Stare down those things that haunt you.

I wrote my “haunts” down. (I am visual.)

Start with the one thing that you feel drawn to intuitively. Perhaps it is simple or something you feel you can check off your list. (I like lists.) Maybe it is a process or a practice you need to adopt.  Or something you just know you must stop or let go of.  Peel back the layers, one at time.  Stay in the moment at each turn or peeling.  Let go of the need for others to see you or endorse your journey.  When control or fear arises, acknowledge it, without judgment.  Take a deep breath and allow yourself to feel where in your physical body that it may be coming from.  This is the where that ghost lives.   Ask yourself what that pain needs.  Woo or romance that ghost.  Like you would comfort a small child.  My idea of comforting children is buying them an ice cream.  You will see how that worked out for me later.

How you hold and care for yourself, will be different from others.

Ghost Busters

By giving up the need of admiration from those around us, this means our excursion is free of needing something from them.  Thus, we are propelled by our own desires and results without some sort of universal kick back.

Wading through Ghost Poop

Here is what “staring it down” looks like in my simple life.

I am shamed by the feeling like I was not in the best physical shape that I could be.

I have many excuses about why.

I want to be seen and approved of.  So I asked myself, “Why do I need to be seen?”

The dim timid voice says (after wading around in my crap for a while and hopefully Journey’s; Don’t Stop Believing is playing in the background) says, “SEE YOURSELF!”

This is my “O” moment. (Hi Oprah, I love you!)

I wanted others to see me.  I wanted to control.  I was afraid that I was not good enough. But the truth was, I was ashamed. May be I shouldn’t have been.  May be to someone else it did not look that way.  But it was my shame, and mine to stare down.  My very own pile of poop to see.

Code Brown

When a kid poops in a public pool, us parents know that it is called a “code brown.”  Code brown is when no one can go it the pool for 24 hours while it is being disinfected.

My code brown realized, was to SEE myself.

My mission: a full on commitment to swim into the unknown of a 90-day weight loss, fitness and health challenge.  The proverbial, cleaning up my CRAP act.   While I am in the midst of staring down shame, which is a moment-by-moment practice of obedience and discipline, I am amazed by what happens when you are required to watch that turd float around in the pool.

While the physical has been vainly off the hook good for me (and Aqua-Man insert *snicker, blush and giggle*), the most valuable by products of this voyage have been increased faith and spirituality, freedom, clarity and wisdom.

Wanting a martini, milk shake and a French Fries seems pretty insignificant right now.

16 days to mission accomplished.

What’s your code brown?

Peace, love and being full of it…

Ally