To Infinity and Beyond?

In a couple days...One of my deepest desires and dreams is coming true. May I be honest, with you? 

Will you judge me?  Perhaps this is the time that I finally stop worrying, and start talking. I think there may be a few of us out there.  Perhaps you will relate. Who is "us?"  We are the ones with deep, heart-aching dreams and desires pretending to live while hiding some of our most glorious truths.

I know, you think I am brave. I am not.

I haven't been since birth. Scared. Apprehensive. A late bloomer. Still am, and probably always will be.  Stories of how I was scared of strangers as a child still run rampant at the holiday dinner table. 

Today, I am in my normal state right before something big happens: conflicted, scared, and excited. 

I am diving into the unknown, and what is worse I have several other women that are joining me. I asked them to follow their heart, to be brave, and for no logical reason, except to be led by something bigger than themselves.  They are willfully joining me on a once-in-lifetime adventure half way around the world, in the middle of the Aegean Sea.  

Welcome to Greece. I did not think of logistics, reasonable expectations, or allow my head to start dragging my body around. Otherwise, this experience would never happen.  Still, all the questions ran through my brain. Tedious things like, travel times, ferrying to a remote island, language barriers, safety, terrorists, family stuff, blah blah blah ... 

Also there were those more first world, ego kind of questions such as what if no one wants to go, what if I invest all this time and effort and it’s a failure, what if I suck... Ugh, the list goes on.  

I pressed into my heart and my body. I chose every detail to be created out of fun and desire.  (Holy crap Christian friends, hold the door, she said the D word.) DESIRE? Is that flesh? Oh my. Fleshy, flesh, flesh. F-L-E - E- S -c S - H!  

Maybe?  Every part of my body and internal Holy Spirit longs for Greece, connecting with myself and other women. Greece is where the Goddess is and is highly favored. Since Goddess resonates with me and the current season of my life, that is where I will go.   

Why Goddess? Because I believe that God is in all of us. God looks not at male or female, but at that heart of a human.  My religion is love. And just because I am striving to embody the full feminine version of me, doesn’t mean that I don’t love men. I do.  

Right now, I simply want to transform into who I am created to be: a fully empowered female living and unraveling within a masculine driven culture. Struggling and muscling through life does not work for me anymore. Our "just do it" culture, feels inauthentic.  It is time that every woman, every Goddess, rises into the full glory of her eternal natural wisdom and beauty.  My desire is for every woman (and man) to be set free and for the truth to rise in all of us.  So that we can achieve a full integration of body, mind and spirit in every aspect of our lives. But first, we all must deconstruct a culture of lies and rise a culture of sisters.

Goddess Rising in Greece: Reclaiming Your Body, Business and Love Retreat is about to happen! 

Amen, Awoman, Peace out, Namaste ...and thank you for sending me big bold love as I drop into the unknown. 

 

With pleasure as a fully embodied woman,

Ally 

(By the way, I made these beautiful gift bags for all my Goddesses because it made me feel good. I love to honor and spoil people. There is room for all my love languages in my work. This feels right. So this is where I will start.)

Judgement, Chocolate, and Church

I have felt judged and I have judged. In business, at church, at dinner…it seems like judgement is inescapable. Oddly enough, I have noticed that people even judge acceptance. When I share that my husband races boats and goes 140 mph on the water, the pointed questions come:

Does it bother you that boat racing is dangerous? 

Yes.

Does it scare you that your husband races boats?

Sure.

How can you let him do that?

The audible voice says, “How could I not?” 

Then my daredevil man puts my son in the passenger seat of his new lightning fast boat, and runs through the race lights.  Yup, this happened.

Game changer, right?  *loud mama bear growl* 

Why does he have to love racing? Why can't he find something else?  Why can't he keep these risky passions away from our children?  

We let our kids jump off cliffs, drive cars, participate in potentially bone-breaking sports, snowboard, ski, ride motorcycles, swim in the ocean, ride horses...and explore relationships. They fail. They fall down. They get back up. 

We don’t deny our children these experiences because life IS risky. But, what is more risky, and far more dangerous, is denying our desires. What if I did prohibit my husband’s hobbies? What if I did prevent my children’s opportunities?

The man I love would be a shell of himself. As a result, I would be a shell of a woman, and probably not as attracted to him. Every one of our well-tended desires is worthy, without justification or alteration. Unconditional love supersedes judgment. So I let my husband race, and I let my kids adventure. 

Trying to force people into defending their enjoyment is asinine. It would be like saying, “why do you love chocolate?” I could come up with a hundred reasons why I love chocolate. I could even get a group of others to justify my passion for chocolate. Sure, an overwhelming appetite for chocolate could be unhealthy. But the reality is that I would still love chocolate. 

Why do I need to justify it? Why do we feel the innate need to explain ourselves?  Why should we? Each person has been designed as a one of kind expression.

The true hazard of every individual’s life is conforming to a pre-disposed stereotype and pre-ordained set of expectations. The peril here is real. When we ignore our desires, dissuade our passions, and direct ourselves toward the prescribed life that society has trained us to accept, the risk becomes fatal. 

When we are not engaged in active self-acceptance and fueled by the desires of our soul, we are stifled and unhappy. If I put on the disguise that tradition says I should, then I am wearing a straight- jacket while trying to traverse a chaotic obstacle course. 

I suppose this is why at places like conservative ladies luncheons or church functions, I often feel judged and excluded.  In my mind, and sometimes aloud, I hear the questions: 

Why don't you go to church more?

Why do you let your daughter wear that?

Where's your husband?

How are you cultivating a Christian family?

To these inquiries, I can only internally respond with the knowledge that Jesus’ entire life was an example of redemption. I have no cause for judgment. I have no place to selfishly expect others to modify themselves to comply with my fears or perceptions.  It is not within my time, at my will, or under my control.  It happened at the cross. It's done.

Love hard. Love every sinner, rule breaker, jdugers, adrenaline seeking men...and the women who love all of themselves. I am one of those women, willing to be judged and still willing to love.

Freedom lives in the full expression and acceptance of ourselves. The same acceptance Jesus had.

Alexis Asbe: wife, mother, best-selling author, serial entrepreneur, women's coach and business consultant. Find her @alexisasbe on Facebook; Instagram; Twitter.

 

Five Women Every WOMAN Needs in Her Life

Women may be the most untapped, yet entirely wonderful resource in the world. Consider the handful of friends that make life manageable, and how important it is to have the support of these sisters.  We all need a group of gals to rely on in this chaotic world, and we’ve come up with a few gems that deserve recognition. Feel free to tag your friends and submit ideas for more! 

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Why fear is a good thing.

It was 26 years ago when a co-worker invited me to walk across a bed of fire at a conference with some guy named, Tony Robbins.

My response: “NO WAY! Why, would I do that!?”

Little did I realize, her simple suggestion to try something terrifying was the spark that would ignite me into creating a life that I had only dreamt about.

And truly, it was a spark. In the middle of the night, with fire trucks and ambulances standing by, a throng of strangers jumped enthusiastically around like over-caffeinated cheerleaders. It was in the midst of these elements, that my fear turned into power and I found myself walking gracefully across a bed of flaming hot coals.

When we decide to try something we think we cannot do, or that is out of our routine, we grow.

From transforming your health, asking for a raise, or perhaps, entering into a new relationship, the outcome of these experiences is determined by our willingness to do uncomfortable, scary things. 

FEAR IS THE DOORWAY TO FREEDOM. 

Now, pushing on that door can feel awkward, and smell like discomfort (similar to entering a teenage boy’s bedroom). But when you do what makes you afraid, you feel most alive. Any adrenaline junkie can tell you that; however, you don’t have to be a daredevil to know the fears that hold you back in your daily life.

Fast forwarding into my life, I have signed up for way scarier things, like being married and raising children.  These stakes seem radically higher than the possibility of going up in flames, because I am responsible for co-habiting with, and cultivating precious humans.  As a woman, my wrath from over working can have a lasting nuclear bomb kind of effect. Even with subdued anger, a passive response such as “FINE,” can rock the world of my family.

The day to day responsibilities of a modern woman can feel as if she is walking through a mine field, covered in lava. Regardless, we must take on our fears daily. Whether it is being a good mom, caring for yourself, starting a business, changing jobs, or breaking off a relationship, brave choices must be made.

So take a deep breath and smell the smoke, ladies. Woman up and surpass the delusions of “not good enough.” Stop and battle the things you are running from, and instead run through to the other side.

Making brave love choices and following through with action, unlocks the door to the freedom of being your true self. And this is where magic happens; the clouds part, the sun shines, our families thrive, and sometimes we lose ten pounds, make more money and find the love of our life.

Peace, love and smoke signals…

Women As Art

I am really proud of myself. Just writing those words comes with a sense of guilt; some sort of taboo hovers over the simple act of acknowledging myself. I know, right? It is totally messed up.

Seriously, when was the last time you acknowledged
yourself for something you did or accomplished
that makes you proud?

Yesterday, I graduated from The Mastery Program of Womanly Arts in New York.  I am proud because I chose to pursue this education out of curiosity, out of a secret self-interest.  It did not make fiscal sense. It was not conveniently timed. I had a variety pack of excuses to dissuade me from following my inner desires. That mom-maid- business-owner-cook-protector-nurturer-bill-paying -citizen inside my head whispered, "Save your money, stay home.”

You all know the self-talk that takes place: “You need to take care of the family, you have business to handle, you have responsibilities...” It is the advice of some unknown mother bear, beast that innately speaks to us women.

And no matter how condemning she can be, I believe this voice; I have been trained to believe it.  It reminds me that I am supposed to be content with my reality. “You have a good life. Why do you want to travel across country? You want to do more, have more? You greedy bitch.”

Despite those self-defeating comments, I finally managed to justify my adventure. It would be a tool to help my clients and others; it would benefit my ability to serve.  With this in mind, I allowed myself permission to partake in self-improvement.  It required traveling alone, adjusting agendas, making my family feel frustrated, and sometimes, painfully unpacking my shit only to repack it again.

The whole course was terrifying, scary, and absolutely new for me. But I worked my ass off, a naked one at that. Sitting in the classroom vulnerable and afraid, I wanted to run and hide in the bathroom during various challenging parts of the seminars. Yet I survived, and all without coping supplements. For this, I am proud. 

I should’ve hung a sign on my door at home, “Diner Closed: Greedy Bitch Gone for Self-Improvement.” My mom duties took a nose dive while I studied. When others were sleeping, I awkwardly attempted my training.  I said “NO” to more invitations than I can recall. I wept and laughed daily. All the while the voice in my head said, “This is ridiculous. You don’t get it.”  I practiced and proceeded anyway. For this, I am proud. 

Among 350 other epically brave women, who were once strangers and are now my Sisters, I became unhidden.  I don't have to come to the table with anything less than every truth of who I am.  I said yes to my curiosity, my desires, my health, my dreams, and my sadness. I said yes to the beautiful greedy, rule breaking, bitch with an incredible appetite. I said yes to the sensual side of my personality, my wrinkles, my wide-belly, and my deep-thinking, multi-faceted mind. I graduated knowing that when a woman invests in herself the whole world gets blessed.  For this, I am proud.

We don't have to work like militaristic dogs on a mission to access love, relationships, health, beauty, and money. Our deepest desires want to be birthed, and be cared for like precious babies. Our true power is within the very bodies that we have been taught to loathe, a woman’s body is a sacred altar and our sexuality is connected to every aspect of our lives.Women can receive more, be more, and do more because our capacity is endless.  Our individual pasts and personal pain is part of our stories, and it is in this shared truth that Sisters can be like medicine to each other.  Every single one of us is spiritual, brilliant, beautifully broken, and perfect.  

I am proud to say this is the study of womanly arts.  

Peace, love, and Room Service.

Yours truly,
Greedy Bitch