Why fear is a good thing.

It was 26 years ago when a co-worker invited me to walk across a bed of fire at a conference with some guy named, Tony Robbins.

My response: “NO WAY! Why, would I do that!?”

Little did I realize, her simple suggestion to try something terrifying was the spark that would ignite me into creating a life that I had only dreamt about.

And truly, it was a spark. In the middle of the night, with fire trucks and ambulances standing by, a throng of strangers jumped enthusiastically around like over-caffeinated cheerleaders. It was in the midst of these elements, that my fear turned into power and I found myself walking gracefully across a bed of flaming hot coals.

When we decide to try something we think we cannot do, or that is out of our routine, we grow.

From transforming your health, asking for a raise, or perhaps, entering into a new relationship, the outcome of these experiences is determined by our willingness to do uncomfortable, scary things. 

FEAR IS THE DOORWAY TO FREEDOM. 

Now, pushing on that door can feel awkward, and smell like discomfort (similar to entering a teenage boy’s bedroom). But when you do what makes you afraid, you feel most alive. Any adrenaline junkie can tell you that; however, you don’t have to be a daredevil to know the fears that hold you back in your daily life.

Fast forwarding into my life, I have signed up for way scarier things, like being married and raising children.  These stakes seem radically higher than the possibility of going up in flames, because I am responsible for co-habiting with, and cultivating precious humans.  As a woman, my wrath from over working can have a lasting nuclear bomb kind of effect. Even with subdued anger, a passive response such as “FINE,” can rock the world of my family.

The day to day responsibilities of a modern woman can feel as if she is walking through a mine field, covered in lava. Regardless, we must take on our fears daily. Whether it is being a good mom, caring for yourself, starting a business, changing jobs, or breaking off a relationship, brave choices must be made.

So take a deep breath and smell the smoke, ladies. Woman up and surpass the delusions of “not good enough.” Stop and battle the things you are running from, and instead run through to the other side.

Making brave love choices and following through with action, unlocks the door to the freedom of being your true self. And this is where magic happens; the clouds part, the sun shines, our families thrive, and sometimes we lose ten pounds, make more money and find the love of our life.

Peace, love and smoke signals…

Women As Art

I am really proud of myself. Just writing those words comes with a sense of guilt; some sort of taboo hovers over the simple act of acknowledging myself. I know, right? It is totally messed up.

Seriously, when was the last time you acknowledged
yourself for something you did or accomplished
that makes you proud?

Yesterday, I graduated from The Mastery Program of Womanly Arts in New York.  I am proud because I chose to pursue this education out of curiosity, out of a secret self-interest.  It did not make fiscal sense. It was not conveniently timed. I had a variety pack of excuses to dissuade me from following my inner desires. That mom-maid- business-owner-cook-protector-nurturer-bill-paying -citizen inside my head whispered, "Save your money, stay home.”

You all know the self-talk that takes place: “You need to take care of the family, you have business to handle, you have responsibilities...” It is the advice of some unknown mother bear, beast that innately speaks to us women.

And no matter how condemning she can be, I believe this voice; I have been trained to believe it.  It reminds me that I am supposed to be content with my reality. “You have a good life. Why do you want to travel across country? You want to do more, have more? You greedy bitch.”

Despite those self-defeating comments, I finally managed to justify my adventure. It would be a tool to help my clients and others; it would benefit my ability to serve.  With this in mind, I allowed myself permission to partake in self-improvement.  It required traveling alone, adjusting agendas, making my family feel frustrated, and sometimes, painfully unpacking my shit only to repack it again.

The whole course was terrifying, scary, and absolutely new for me. But I worked my ass off, a naked one at that. Sitting in the classroom vulnerable and afraid, I wanted to run and hide in the bathroom during various challenging parts of the seminars. Yet I survived, and all without coping supplements. For this, I am proud. 

I should’ve hung a sign on my door at home, “Diner Closed: Greedy Bitch Gone for Self-Improvement.” My mom duties took a nose dive while I studied. When others were sleeping, I awkwardly attempted my training.  I said “NO” to more invitations than I can recall. I wept and laughed daily. All the while the voice in my head said, “This is ridiculous. You don’t get it.”  I practiced and proceeded anyway. For this, I am proud. 

Among 350 other epically brave women, who were once strangers and are now my Sisters, I became unhidden.  I don't have to come to the table with anything less than every truth of who I am.  I said yes to my curiosity, my desires, my health, my dreams, and my sadness. I said yes to the beautiful greedy, rule breaking, bitch with an incredible appetite. I said yes to the sensual side of my personality, my wrinkles, my wide-belly, and my deep-thinking, multi-faceted mind. I graduated knowing that when a woman invests in herself the whole world gets blessed.  For this, I am proud.

We don't have to work like militaristic dogs on a mission to access love, relationships, health, beauty, and money. Our deepest desires want to be birthed, and be cared for like precious babies. Our true power is within the very bodies that we have been taught to loathe, a woman’s body is a sacred altar and our sexuality is connected to every aspect of our lives.Women can receive more, be more, and do more because our capacity is endless.  Our individual pasts and personal pain is part of our stories, and it is in this shared truth that Sisters can be like medicine to each other.  Every single one of us is spiritual, brilliant, beautifully broken, and perfect.  

I am proud to say this is the study of womanly arts.  

Peace, love, and Room Service.

Yours truly,
Greedy Bitch

Brave Love & Self Care

Episode 60: Brave Love & Self Care with Alexis Asbe

Would you ever treat an employee the way you treat yourself? Most of us are pretty rough on ourselves and we don’t take the time for self care because it feels like we have a million other things to do. Here’s the thing though, there is a very good reason why airlines tell you to put your own oxygen mask on first before assisting others. You are no help to anyone if you’re unconscious from lack of oxygen. The same thing applies to business and today you’ll hear from Alexis Asbe about the importance of self care and how to fit it into your busy schedule.

or access the episode here!

10 Ways To Plow Through Your List

Do you have an overwhelming list of things you need to do?

Me too! (I always have a list!  Ha!)

Here is my top 10 ways to plow through your wedding to do list:

1. Never say: “I can’t.” “Altar” your thinking. (Sorry. I can’t help being a goof ball sometimes.)

2. Focus on having fun. (If it’s not fun – don’t do it.)

3. Don’t center your attention on what you don’t know, concentrate on what you love.

4. Write your “goals list” on paper with dates of completion.

5. Ask for help.  (Remember, you are not alone. You are a team.)

6. Be open to new ideas and suggestions.

7. Truly enjoy each moment while on this journey.  (After all you are getting married; cherish this season.)

8. Celebrate you and your loves’ progress daily.

9. Hang around with fun people who want the best for you.

10. Stop talking about what you need to do, and START. Take action!

These are some ideas that help me daily.

Tell me, what is on your list?

Let me know what you may be stuck on or need help with.  I love feedback and suggestions. Thank you!

And please share this list with your friends and followers on Facebook and Pinterest…

Peace, love and plowing through my list…

Ally

What is Haunting You?

Stare down those things that haunt you.

I wrote my “haunts” down. (I am visual.)

Start with the one thing that you feel drawn to intuitively. Perhaps it is simple or something you feel you can check off your list. (I like lists.) Maybe it is a process or a practice you need to adopt.  Or something you just know you must stop or let go of.  Peel back the layers, one at time.  Stay in the moment at each turn or peeling.  Let go of the need for others to see you or endorse your journey.  When control or fear arises, acknowledge it, without judgment.  Take a deep breath and allow yourself to feel where in your physical body that it may be coming from.  This is the where that ghost lives.   Ask yourself what that pain needs.  Woo or romance that ghost.  Like you would comfort a small child.  My idea of comforting children is buying them an ice cream.  You will see how that worked out for me later.

How you hold and care for yourself, will be different from others.

Ghost Busters

By giving up the need of admiration from those around us, this means our excursion is free of needing something from them.  Thus, we are propelled by our own desires and results without some sort of universal kick back.

Wading through Ghost Poop

Here is what “staring it down” looks like in my simple life.

I am shamed by the feeling like I was not in the best physical shape that I could be.

I have many excuses about why.

I want to be seen and approved of.  So I asked myself, “Why do I need to be seen?”

The dim timid voice says (after wading around in my crap for a while and hopefully Journey’s; Don’t Stop Believing is playing in the background) says, “SEE YOURSELF!”

This is my “O” moment. (Hi Oprah, I love you!)

I wanted others to see me.  I wanted to control.  I was afraid that I was not good enough. But the truth was, I was ashamed. May be I shouldn’t have been.  May be to someone else it did not look that way.  But it was my shame, and mine to stare down.  My very own pile of poop to see.

Code Brown

When a kid poops in a public pool, us parents know that it is called a “code brown.”  Code brown is when no one can go it the pool for 24 hours while it is being disinfected.

My code brown realized, was to SEE myself.

My mission: a full on commitment to swim into the unknown of a 90-day weight loss, fitness and health challenge.  The proverbial, cleaning up my CRAP act.   While I am in the midst of staring down shame, which is a moment-by-moment practice of obedience and discipline, I am amazed by what happens when you are required to watch that turd float around in the pool.

While the physical has been vainly off the hook good for me (and Aqua-Man insert *snicker, blush and giggle*), the most valuable by products of this voyage have been increased faith and spirituality, freedom, clarity and wisdom.

Wanting a martini, milk shake and a French Fries seems pretty insignificant right now.

16 days to mission accomplished.

What’s your code brown?

Peace, love and being full of it…

Ally